What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
