why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
