im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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