it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
