4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
