So drunk its hurt
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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