girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We have started to decorate penises.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
