i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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