she woke up with a sticky ear
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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