apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
