he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
