my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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