Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
