True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
