please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
