I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
