Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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