Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
