11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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