Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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