literally had 100 drinks last night.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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