Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
