you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
