I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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