He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
