My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
3 2 1 whiskey
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
