I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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