Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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