im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
