operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
