i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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