First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
