Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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