After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
