Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
