He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
