3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
