We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
