I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
