you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
