I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
