i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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