Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
