There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
