Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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