Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
