I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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