dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
