Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
