I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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