Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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