I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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