So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
