What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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