i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
