She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
