WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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