If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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