If you die in college, do you die in real life?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
