I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
