the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
