Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
